The promise of a new year always brings hope. A new beginning to start fresh and another chance to get it all right. And this year, I’m really glad of that.
2019 has been a very up and down year. Although looking back it seems like there have been a lot of downs, there are numerous things I am so proud of too:
- I moved out of home. I started to believe I never wanted to leave my hometown, and that even if I did, my anxiety disorder wouldn’t allow it. After moving away in January, the West of Ireland feels just as much like home as Longford ever did. And I’m so grateful.
- Me and Eoghan moved in together. After living apart for a year and having a very hard time coping with that, we are now living in our second apartment together and are preeeetty damn happy about it.
- I went on not one, but two trips abroad this year. If you have been following along, you’ll know that I have the worst fear of flying. My first flight was at 7 weeks old, but with every take off my fear grew, until I stepped off a flight at 16 years old and said that would be the last flight for me. Now, ten years later I’ve been to Scotland and Portugal all in one year. This is something that would have been laughable a few years ago. Now everything seems possible.
- One final thing is, I have discovered that with a lot of hard work and patience, anxiety can be overcome, even if only for short periods of time. My anxiety/panic disorder still lives (and probably always will), but this year I have done things that I didn’t think I could anymore.
Unfortunately there is one huge low that sticks out for me this year. Someone who was very important to me is no longer here. Recently I have found myself feeling pretty lost and unmotivated. This has probably been the main cause of this depression I find myself in, more than I have realised.
Overall, 2019 has for sure been a year of discovery and over coming fears. Along the way, I have realised a lot of things I do not want for my life. I don’t want a normal life. Or a life with the same boring routines. The routine that society has set out for us- revolving around going to work and coming home to go to bed, just so that you can do it all over again.
Now I’ve discovered what I don’t want, figuring out how to get what I do want is the next step. Knowing what you do want and how to get it are two very different things. Unfortunately, this year hasn’t been one for finding answers. Maybe that’s what 2020 is for.
Happy New Year, new dreams and new days to anyone and everyone out there. Hope this year is all you wish it to be and more.
Haven’t made my list of resolutions yet. I never really do that. Do you make a list each year? What’s on yours? I need some inspo!
If you wana see some of the stuff me and Eoghan got up to over the second half of this year, check out the video below: